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I stumbled upon S&B near the end of the previous year and to my surprise, I signed up for it. Handing in the forms was just a late night, light-headed decision that I didn’t think much of at the time. However, I have to admit that the idea of a sex club existing in the vicinity was peculiar yet alluring, and the sound being a part of it was intimidating yet exciting. So here I am.
Chris wasn’t very happy about my tardiness in writing my report, and honestly, on top of the work I already had, putting my feelings and experience into words is hard since I usually never describe sexual or intimate details aloud. I just, you know, laugh and blush when the topic occurs. So when I first met Chris for the interview I had to tackle all of his questions about my sexual/bodily inclinations, I couldn’t stop deflecting, awkwardly avoid eye contact, and just blush. And he made me realize how little I know about my body. In fact, I realized Chris, as a stranger, or a man that I never met before, knew my body better than myself, knew what buttons to push. I remember my mind stopped thinking with no idea of what he was physically doing, but whatever he did, it worked.
I really liked the adorable cat too.
When I traveled to see Chris, or my first event, I was nervous in stepping to an unfamiliar territory. Walking to the venue approximately an hour late (sorry), I was uncomfortable in not knowing what was going to happen. I’m too much of a scaredy-cat to imagine how these things are like. But now, I know.
I heard loud chatter through the door and I just knocked, and two heads peeped out. I didn’t know what to do. So James came and kindly put a hot eye mask around me. I think it had a flora scent. It made my eyes sweat a lot for the first time in my life. He also gave me a really adorable cartoon bear jacket since I’m afraid of the cold and I actually really like that cartoon bear.....我童心未眠 哈哈. I still remember him performing a body check and 趴在我身上 as he gently whispered in my ears... that makes me so shy and blush~
Darth was my mentor. It was so tricky to talk to someone by omitting facts, not telling them my name or personal life story. Like, voooter? What kind of horrible nickname did I come up with…..haha. He reminded me about the rules of the club and I listened attentively. He so kindly helped me translate what people were laughing about during the briefing. I held on to his big arms in fear of being uncertain and blind. Somehow, when he said just grab on to my arms, I felt safer as I took penguin steps and followed him.
Showering with him was fun since he bragged about his brand new haircut and I just naughtily messed it up with my hands and kept on spraying water all of him when he told me not to. I continued to mess around with his hair him in the bedroom. He was really caring and kind to my feelings and needs which I really appreciated. He played around with me and I had a mixture of excitement, fear, heightened sensitivity, lust, and a tingling of pain. Gradually, however, due to my nervousness, the sensation of pain magnified, and I didn’t continue. But that is not to say I did not enjoy your company, Darth. You’re so very sweet like the chocolate you brought. You’re also really talented culinary wise, I can tell.
I needed time to recover, fill up my empty stomach, drink alcohol, and 发呆。You see, I think you can guess that I’m really 慢熟 with people and somewhat paranoid, but I just felt like I needed to talk to people so I can gradually familiarize myself with how these parties work, so next time, I’ll be less scared, and more at ease. Baby steps.
I brought home my drawing on my arm by momo, and unfortunately I washed it off right away since I felt like I needed a shower so I didn’t even take a picture of it, but somehow it stamped my bedsheet and there’s a slight print of it. I see it and I smile. No one would know my little secret, apart from every one of you here.
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